somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Enjoy the penises
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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