Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize