Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize