Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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