I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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