I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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