After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize