I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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