I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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