So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize