I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize