i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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