I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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