well you can't waste a boner
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
only you would photoshop your dick
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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