HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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