I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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