You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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