Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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