textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize