So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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