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my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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