I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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