so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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