just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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