I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize