when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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