is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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