going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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