she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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