why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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