Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just threw up on my dentist
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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