Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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