yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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