Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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