Im at strip club and am horny
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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