Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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