If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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