are you still at the devil's house?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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