So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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