I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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