I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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