R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize