I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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