Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize