I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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