So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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