i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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