I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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