I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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