I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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